If you tried to take a picture of the whole sky with a camera, could you? If you tried by yourself, you'd just be going in circles, unsure whether you've taken that part of the sky or not. frustration would follow, and you'd end up on the grass, disillusioned and fed up with the seemingly insurmountable task. people might come by and laugh at you, in your futile attempt to do a good job. other people might come by, have a glance, and walk off, either nodding in approval of your fighting spirit or shaking their head in disbelief. but then there are those who come with a drink, get you to sit down and rest, take the camera from your hands and help you snap a few pictures. they then help you back up on your feet and go back to their own insurmountable tasks.

this week has been like that. i've tried and tried to take my own pictures, and more than once i've fallen down, disillusioned and confused and frustrated. more than once i've had people sneer and put me down. more than once i've gotten a few smiles, more than once a few disapproving looks. and more than once i've had people stop by and tell me to take a rest, they themselves sacrificing their own bank of emotional sanity to help me get back on my feet. and i thank God for these people in my life.

it's really made me think, if you do something you love or are passionate about, you'd put in everything you have to make sure you do it to the best of your ability. encountering a setback in the technical sense is part of the job, and challenges are relished and enjoyed. but when someone makes a joke out of your dedication and passion, you fall twice as hard. you end up lying on the grass, disillusioned and frustrated, unsure of your own ability to carry on.

it's funny how something you disliked in the past comes round and now it suddenly has this appeal to it. newer things become overrated and you suddenly don't feel like using it anymore. i've had a sudden love for my sister's yamaha keyboard over my so-called guitar and drum fortes, possibly because i can play the piano and think at the same time. what i'm thinking transfers to my fingers and i realised that i play more emotively and there's a certain flow and storyline to my improvisations on the keyboard and i think i should record it someday.

it's the weekend now, and though things aren't exactly settled, there's a certain comfort in the fact that you can wake up at 11am. so that's what i'm going to do now. catch up on all the lost sleep i've accumulated through this very trying week.

and there are a few who pointed up at the sky and say, "hey john, commit everything to God. he'll give you a wide-angle lens." thanks guys(: